


The Long Way Home

by Shiphard



Series: Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree (3490 Side Stories) [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Earth 3490, F/M, Fem!Tony Stark - Freeform, I just don't like Stony unless it's the cartoons, Mainly because years ago I fell in love with ship, and still love it, but i've always loved 3490 toni, but there's like an elevator make-out, mostly just me loving my loves, not really smutty, nothing happens in detail, sorry if genderbending tony is heteronormative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-02 23:56:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10230938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiphard/pseuds/Shiphard
Summary: Toni takes off without thinking, disappears into space with the Guardians of the Galaxy and finds herself desperately missing her family, her home. When she gets back, she's got a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologies to make, but the one that matters the most is the one she can't seem to get out. So she's a mess, and Steve is too, and maybe the whole team, but that's not why it's so hard. She just can't find the right way, always takes the long way home.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VendelynSilverhawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VendelynSilverhawk/gifts).



> So this is from my image of 3490, of which I've been revamping the main story that I have. Until then, here's this. Also, it's best if you read VendelynSilverhawk's A Lot of Pain, before this, it'll make more sense and plus it's just fucking fantastic and was one of the best fic gifts I've ever gotten. Also Vendelyn is a total dream so go check it out my dudes.

_Long Way Home_

_“Well I stumbled in the darkness_  
I'm lost and alone  
Though I said I'd go before us  
And show the way back home  
Is there a light up ahead  
I can't hold onto very long  
Forgive me pretty baby but I always take the long way home”

In a sudden, breath-taking moment, Toni was thrown to the ground, body smoking and lungs stalled. It was in an inspiring attempt to shield Steve, and despite working it had also cost her what little good graces she’d had with him- she knew.

               There had only been three occasions when the air in her lungs had been forced out in a max exodus while the suit enveloped her; when Obadiah Stane had thrown her through a plate glass window to the floor two stories below, when Anton Vanko had sent her flying and nearly snapped her spine, and now. It was a phenomenon that she did not enjoy experiencing, especially when it threw her to the sidelines and left everyone else to do the glory work.

               The chaos of the battle, the explosions decimating the AIM factory, faded out as she choked on nothing. If she could have, Toni would have clawed at her neck, tried to force air back into her body. She couldn’t though, so she tried to slow her heartrate and not panic. The breaths came back to her, weak and ragged and fighting her as she drew them.

               If Steve or Nat or Rhodey was shouting for her, she couldn’t hear it. It had all faded to white noise.

               And then hands clamped under her arms and pulled her to her feet despite the immense weight of the armor. She couldn’t stand, but she had to.

               “On your feet, Ironmaiden,” a gravelly, distinctly Nordic voice said in her ear.

               “I- My- I,” she stuttered, glancing back at Thor even if he couldn’t see her struggling expression.

               “Rogers, Stark is-”

               “No!” she cried.

               There were things in life that Toni could suffer through, but Steve’s blatant concern- at that moment at least- was not one of them. She raised her arm and took aim, letting go a brilliant silver-blue blast of light. What little balance she clung to was stolen from her with the blast. Her feet stumbled over themselves and she teetered backwards.

               In her ear, JARVIS said matter-of-factly, “Ma’am, seeking medical attention is highly advised.

               “Toni, get back to the tower!” Steve barked, clear and crisp over the coms.

               _At least he took the damn shot instead of fawning over you._

               “Fuck off, I’ve got this!” she growled.

               She wouldn’t stop until the job was completely finished, the Toni Stark Way™. It didn’t matter if half the suit was gone, or the reactor was ripped entirely from her chest, it didn’t matter if her guts were hanging out and all the bones in her body were broken. She would still lock the joints in her suit and fire till there was nothing left to shoot at. Maybe it was the Howard in her, or maybe it was her own special brand of crazy, but it kept her going either way.

               She felt blast after blast rip from her hands, leeching her remaining energy and slowing time infinitely. Only minutes passed in the world outside her helmet, but she felt like it was taking centuries to win this fight.

               Steve was screaming in her ear and between his scolding, Hank (Pym) was asking her to “please remove yourself from the fight before Steve pops a blood vessel.” Bitterly, she thought, _good, maybe it’ll shut him up for even a little bit._

               When the last AIM minion finally fell to his knees and Toni, too angry to do otherwise, fired her last shot, knocking him to the ground, Steve turned on her. He looked livid. Worse, he had that almighty “I’m Captain America and I’m Mad as Hell” look. Except she had taken the hit meant for Steve so he could incapacitate the head baddy and the fight could come to an end, finally. Sure, it had been a stupid move, but it had saved Steve the trouble of med attention later and plus it had distracted the AIM fuckers for just enough time. A clean end to a desperate, messy fight.

               Or so she thought.

/\

Steve ripped his helmet off, stormed towards her through the wreck of what had once been a quaint bakery. He didn’t seem to notice the smoking rubble or bodies littered around them. “What the hell, Toni?” he shouted, cowing the rest of the team away from the new altercation. “What was that?”

               If she had been truly injured in the fight, then she didn’t let it show when she flipped her faceplate up. She crossed her arms, looking indignant even though there was a massive, charred blemish on the suit at her abdomen.

               She raised an eyebrow.

               “Um,” she started, already sounding insufferably cheeky. “Me saving all of us and the population of this frankly _adorable_ little town?”

               They both paused, the only difference being Steve staring in disbelief while she stared in defiance. They were like some awful mother-toddler combo where Steve was the nagging mother and Toni was the self-assured toddler. And yet she called herself an adult.

               “That’s what you think that was?” he snapped, barely sparing a glance at the team members along for the ride.

               “Uh, yes?” she replied, mocking.

               He shouldn’t have let her get to him but she had literally thrown herself in front of a giant, glowing energy beam so she could distract the leader. She had cost them all the nerves they had as they wasted precious energy rushing to her aid, fretting over her despondent body- how long had she laid there? Five minutes? Three? A minute?- and all the arguing that would ensue. The steam building in his head was about to burst with an unbearable screeching whistle.

               “So I’m guessing you didn’t see the massive energy beam about to blow a hole in your stomach,” he said, feeling his voice tighten. “Because I would hope you wouldn’t have done something stupid if you had.”

               Barely noticing it, his shield fell to the ground beside him. In an attempt to protect her at one point it had gotten a pretty nasty scorch mark in it that Hank or Toni would have to fix later. Part of him wanted her to see it and choke on the thought that he had done the same stupid thing for her.

               She hardly glanced at it.

               “I-” she started.

               It all boiled over and he couldn’t stop himself from shouting, “I get that you love your solo act, Toni, but we talked about this and the team can’t afford-”

               “I’m sorry, can’t afford _what_?” she snapped. He’d gone too far- though, he tended to do that a lot when he fought with Toni. “Me cutting our fight short by, I don’t know, a few hours? Because I know you weren’t going to say ‘solo heroics’, Steve!”

               The air between them was frigid now. What had once been a desert storm, hot and ferocious, was now an icy wasteland. Even from Toni, that was a dangerous tone, and the harsh cut of her brows did nothing to temper it.

               The rest of the team, Pietro and Clint who had been straggling with clean-up, had finally realized that Toni and Steve were not just arguing like they tended to do post-battle- _“Well, if you’d cleaned up that right hook then maybe you wouldn’t have spent so much time on him.” “Next time we make a drop like that, we need more cover, it was too blatant.”_

               Behind him, he could hear Hank muttering to Nat about intervening.

               Toni forged on.

               “Because if you were going to pull that bullshit with me I’ll force you to read every SSR report from the 40s, when Phillip’s golden child couldn’t follow an order if it bit him on the ass.”

               Off to the right, Clint turned away from the discourse and continued directing curious or frightened civilians from the wreckage. Thor turned to Hank and said something about clearing the clouds and toxic leakage that Steve couldn’t quite make out. Sam disappeared under the pretenses of locating Bruce.

               But Steve and Toni were still locked in their verbal combat.

               “This isn’t about me!” He said finally, feeling all control dissipate. He exploded forward and only stopped himself before he could take Toni by the shoulders and shake her. Not that he would actually have done it, but it made the most sense to him at that moment.

               “Then what is it about?” she screamed back.

               “It’s about you constantly putting all of us in danger by pulling these stunts!” he returned, with a tone that seemed to dispel any ideas of dissention. But there was something else, something only he could recognize. “I can’t- What am I supposed to think when I’m fighting one second and the next I look over to see you about to get hit with something you won’t bounce back from? It’s terrifying, Toni-”

               But she wasn’t done yet.

               “Then maybe it’s what your friends felt during the war, huh? Look, there Steve goes again jumping into an exploding building, guess we’ll just wait here and hope he doesn’t die! I made the efficient choice at the time, Steve, and that won us the battle and protected you. That makes it worth it!”

               “Not if means losing you!” His tone even surprised himself. Unsure now of his own sanity, he reached out for her, afraid that she might disappear. They touched, if only momentarily, and he breathed, “You can’t… you-” But she shirked him away and let her visor fall over her face, separating them more than distance ever could.

               “Screw you and your rules, Rogers,” she hissed, venomous. “Maybe I’ll listen when you start taking your own advice.”

               And then she was gone. Her thrusters left behind small tornados of dust at his feet, leaving him to watch her go with a whirlpool of emotions stuck between infuriated and desperate.

               Natasha was a ghost at his side, unwavering but silent.

\/

Sitting in the impressive Milano, Toni’s mind wandered. She was cold, still battered from that day’s fight. As far as she could tell, they were somewhere over Colorado, just her wrapped in a blanket and a talking raccoon sitting a dozen feet from her, polishing something.

               “Ironman,” the thing muttered. “You don’t look like much of a man to me.”

               Testing out her voice for the first time since the spaceship picked her up falling from 49,000 feet above the Earth, she replied, “Everyone calls me Ironmaiden. I don’t like it as much.”

               The raccoon nodded, still polishing whatever piece of metal he had in his hands. He was not the most peculiar thing she’d ever seen- his talking, potted plant higher up on the list than he himself.

               “Is that a coupling?” she asked, craning her neck to try and make out the piece of metal. He glanced up at her.

               “Might be.” He sounded almost suspicious.

               She nodded.

               “What are you fitting it to?”

               “Does it matter?”

               Suddenly the door to the Milano folded open and three people entered; the human who she had woken up to, the massive gray thing that had analyzed her first few words, and the green woman who had glared at her more than anything.

               “Get the coupling back in Rocket, we’re leaving,” the human man said, looking more frustrated than his voice let on. “Where should we let you off?” He turned to Toni now, watching her expectantly.

               “Off?”

               “We’re going back to our planet, and unless that suit’s fancier than I think it is then you definitely don’t live several hundred light years away like us.”

               She chewed her cheek. They were talking space. Which should have been pretty damn obvious based on the technology the Milano was made out of and running on. The idea was novel; Toni Stark in space, Ironmaiden touching the stars.

               She swallowed, feeling how dry her throat was, then said, “What if I don’t want to get off?”

               The green one said, “We don’t know you. You’re getting off.”

               Toni snapped back, “I don’t have a place to get off at and space sounds a hell of a lot more fun than this shithole planet. You can look me up if you; Ironmaiden, Antonia Stark. Unless you count kicking bad guy ass as a negative then my record is clean.”

               The man was chewing his lip, staring at her, when the raccoon spoke. He was standing now, arms cross, and said, “He’s considering it isn’t he? He is. This guy has got to be kidding me!”

               “You said you were part of the Avengers?”

               “Yeah.”

               He turned to his group and, hand on his chin, said, “The Avengers are a cosmically recognized force and there is an Ironmaiden on their roster.”

               “If she is so mighty, why would she wish to leave her team?” the gray one asked.

               Toni sighed and stood, the blanket falling off around her. Somewhere in the hold, the suit was waiting for her to climb back inside and fly home. Except she didn’t want to now.

               “Look, I’m running from some personal stuff, tensions are high between the team right now and it’s easier for there to be one great leader than two good ones. I just want to get away for a bit, shit you don’t even have to keep me, just get me somewhere that isn’t here.”

               There was a long pause as they all assessed her, especially the green one, before the human reached out to clasp onto her hand.

               “Well then, Ironmaiden, I’m Star-lord.”

/\

Space, as big and fantastic as it was, was also empty. Vast and empty.

               It didn’t matter that there were infinite stars and galaxies, or how a startling number of planets had life. Space was still empty.

               Since she had joined the Guardians just three months after the Very Fateful Fight, she had seen things she’d never dreamed of. Her unending list of questions and musings of the stars and skies, the gas giants and asteroid belts, seemed to grow despite unlocking new answers at every turn. Now, though, her questions were becoming more about what Bruce would think of Groot- a humanoid tree- or Knowhere being a massive dead, skull and if Steve would like the view from the base.

               So there she sat, staring at the stars beyond the giant Celestial head, wondering if Earth missed her at all. The burning holes in the sky were excessively brilliant at that moment, shining back at her as if to convince her that she didn’t need New York.

               The base wasn’t cold, but Toni still pulled at the sweater she was wearing- the wool one she got in Dublin- and tucked her hands under her armpits. Perhaps it was the sudden sentimentality chilling her. And yet, it wasn’t sudden, she’d been feeling it for days now. Every battle fought beside Gamora made her miss Natasha, every breakthrough made with Rocket spurred images of the Hanks and Bruce in her mind. She’d tried to shake the thought, but standing in the atrium right then had shattered whatever walls she’d caged the ache in.

               Yes, Knowhere had been comforting enough for the time, but for some reason the view was nothing was nothing in comparison to the tower back home in New York. At least there she didn’t feel like she was trespassing and she could argue without overstepping her bounds.

               She had abused what she’d had, forgotten what it meant to really belong somewhere. The Avengers had surely been where she belonged, accepting despite how she took them for granted. And Steve… caring even when she threw it back in his face. She thought, suddenly, of the message she had sent them after arriving at Xandar. _“Oh… and also Peter’s codename is Starlord, he likes the Seahawks, and ismynewboyfriend kbye.”_

She could pretend all she wanted that it wasn’t a personal jab at Steve, but of course she had sent it as some twisted form of gloating. _Look how much better off I am than you, aren’t you sad?_ She hoped, somewhere deep and dark in her heart, that Steve had done just the same.

               Hands startled her as they slipped up underneath her sweater, gentle in spite of the heavy callouses flecked over them. They were familiar to her, and clearly the hands knew her just as well because they wrapped all the way around her and clasped over her stomach. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. It was unfair how much she reveled in the action, just not who was doing it.

               She waited for the lips that would doubtlessly press to her neck or cheek or top of her head, squeezing her eyes together tighter as she tried to banish the thoughts swimming in her head.

               “You okay?” a quiet, rusty voice said, easy in her ear.

               “Just thinking,” she replied.

               _“Oh, damn, sorry Toni.” “Watch where you’re going, Spangle-brains.” “I-” He tasted like coffee, mint toothpaste, and freedom._

               “I think we got the last of the pirates, so no more worrying about them.”

               “Good.”

               Without thinking, she ran her thumb over Peter’s arm, not turning to glance up at him and not thinking about how adult she felt here. Too adult. Once, she’d tried to assure herself that she was supposed to feel adult, that she was the genius here and that she should be _all grown-up_. But where was that balance that she’d found with the Avengers.

               It didn’t matter that Peter was a brilliant man- as far as thievery and strategy went- but she missed her science jokes with the Science Bros., nights spent drinking with Clint and Thor and Nat, practice with Carol and Rhodey. Worst of all she missed Steve, everything about him.

               “I…” She swallowed. “I need to leave, Peter. I need to go home.”

               There was a long quiet, uncharacteristic of the class-clown leader of the Guardians. He pulled himself away from her, recoiling like a scolded child. She’d done it now, he never shirked away from anything unless it benefitted a joke. She was a damn fool to hope that she’d get out of this clean.

               Or maybe he was the fool for getting attached to someone so alike him.

               “I miss my tower,” she murmured, which was only partly true because she did, but it was the people in it that made her long for it.

               “Would you come back?” Peter asked. He didn’t sound small, but maybe unguarded. Now she looked back at him, sighing, and felt her brow harden.

               “I wanna go home,” she said.

               It was answer enough. There were other reasons, of course- her lab, her team, her bed, her Steve- but he didn’t need to know all of them and he didn’t need to know that she was pining.

               He stared at her, bringing his arms up around him and looking like a kicked puppy. Either he didn’t know her well enough to be mad or it wasn’t in his nature because he just stood there, quiet. If it was Steve before her then he would’ve been fuming, angry that she’d given up to go home but resigned to her own decisions. If it was Rhodey he would have shaken his head, hands up, and said, “Whatever you want, Toni.”

               But Peter was Peter and so he stood still and frowned.

               “We’ll make the trip tomorrow,” he sighed and turned away from her.

               She watched him disappear down the hall, lacking any kind of remorse.

\/

The mansion was blissfully empty, dark and cold and musty, but still blissful. The Milano had come and gone and now she was alone in the wreck of what had once been her childhood home. She breathed a sigh of relief.

               She ran the pads of her fingers over the rough wallpaper. The interior of the house had not aged well; the cabinetry had mildewed and stained, the carpeting was dusty and old, the ceilings were rickety. The house desperately needed a renovation. Until then, she’d have to settle for cleaning it.

               _“What are you doing?”_

_“Cleaning. And I never clean so that says something about the state of your ship.”_

_“Are you for real right now? You’re cleaning this masterpiece?”_

_She straightened herself, crossing her arms and looking no more pleased than Steve ever did when she shot some snarky comeback at him._

_“You’re disgusting,” she snapped._

_“You’re the one who decided to join us. You picked to stay in this dump.” Sneering, she threw her sponge at him. Wet, sloppy water splashed his face, making her grin. The twist to his lips and the crinkle in his eyes was some strange mix of frustration and amusement. She was surprised that she knew it so well, just on different features._

_They were kissing in an instant, his hands on her cheeks pulling her up to him. He tasted so different than she would have ever imagined._

               She could hole up in the house and ride out the shit-storm that would be her homecoming.

               “Ma’am, now that you’ve returned to Earth, I would suggest contacting the Avengers and alerting them to your presence.”

               “Not now Jarvis, I’ll do it when I’m ready,” she muttered, staring at the empty shell that her mansion had become. Almost wistfully she tugged on one of the white sheets covering a piece of furniture and pulled it off. It was the settee her mother had always loved to read on. She sighed.

               “I advise against that, Ma’am. The last time you did something when “you were ready” you ended up taking us to space for approximately three months.”

               Pausing to stew on Jarvis’s guidance and to chew her cheek in frustration, she wrung her hands.

               “Fine. See if you can power up the shop, I’ll call them in the meantime.”

/\

 

“Hey it’s Toni again… Did you guys get the, uh, postcards I sent…? I think one of them was of a Xand- doesn’t matter. Anyways, I’m back, I’m at the mansion, and I think I’m just gonna stay here for a bit and… do science things I guess, or billionaire things. Yeah… so that’s that. No need to check on me, I’m fine. Especially you Steve. Just do me a favor you guys, pretend like I didn’t send this. Cool, thanks.”

               Nat turned to Bruce. Of all the expressions in the room, his seemed to be the most mixed. He looked like he was trying to process shock, joy, anger, confusion, _rage_ , and excitement all at the same time and it wasn’t a very pretty outcome.

               “Do we tell Steve?” Pietro muttered from behind Nat herself, Bruce, and Hank McCoy.

               “Logically, yes, however emotions are high on this particular matter and it might be best to deliver this… delicately, and after ample time to decide how,” Vision replied, hovering just behind Wanda.

               “I only wanted to bring this your attention because… well it was probably best if we figured out how to handle this now rather than later,” Hank sighed, running a blue hand over his lips.

               “Someone is going to have to go see her and it needs to happen soon, before Steve can find out through the papers or tabloids,” Carol added.

               Thor stepped forward, starling Nat a bit, and said, “It was a betrayal, no matter how small, but no betrayal is without reason.”

               They were all right. And since she’d disappeared, the tabloids had been banking off of Ironmaiden’s disappearance, especially the conspiracy mags. Steve had been restless since. Especially after her first and last message from wherever she’d gone. _Andismynewboyfriend kbye._

               Nat sighed. The team had clearly missed its dysfunctional mother.

               “Alright. Bruce,” she said finally, drawing the attention of the conflicted scientist. “She handles things best when you break them to her, could you get over there?”

               Bruce took a deep, long breath and held it for a moment. All eyes were on him and Nat knew he hated that. He let it out in one harsh, hissing exhale and then nodded. She couldn’t tell if he looked sad, worried, or maybe relieved, but he had contorted his features into some strangled version of one of those.

               “You find a way to tell Steve and head over after I give you guys the okay.”

\/

Toni only whipped around to find Bruce standing in the entrance to the library when a book fell behind her. He stood before her looking rather meek, which wasn’t exactly unusual for Bruce, and yet it felt strange to see him like that. His was a different kind of small, unobtrusive. She could feel her heart and soul melting a bit.

               She had missed him desperately.

               “We got your message,” he said, sounding unsure if that was the right way to start this off. She stared at him, fighting back the urge to rush him. “I’m back at the mansion.”

She said nothing. Really, she didn’t know what to say. There were no words to express how much she missed them all, to tell them how stupid it was that she left at all, to say sorry- especially when she never said sorry. And none of that would come off in her expression, she’d just look defiant, angry.

               “Toni,” he said, a little more confident now.

               She swallowed her fear, blinked.

               “I…” the words caught in her throat. She could never say sorry, even if she truly meant it. “I forgot how hard I tried to ignore this place. But I guess I can’t live in a crypt.”

               _Fuck_. That was like the equivalent of “fuck off, I’m on my own now.” She turned her gaze to the floor, already feeling how much she fucked up. She couldn’t push it down forever; she was a stupid, stupid idiot who was staring down her mistakes, who had armed themselves and were revolting.

               “You have a bed at the tower.”

               “What?”

               His forgiveness hurt more than she would have ever guessed it would, seared her heart.

               “You have a bed at the tower,” and then, “Actually, you have a tower. Period.”

               Everything fell away. She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes because he stood there representing everything she’d ever done wrong- more importantly, everyone. Her voice was raw when she said, “You don’t…?” She caught herself, tried to dam the tears and cool the burning in her throat. “I figured I shouldn’t come back.”

               He smirked, which almost helped, and then replied, “So maybe that was a bit smart. They’re hurt, of course. Feeling a bit… betrayed, I think is the word Thor used. But time heals all wounds… and apologies, those help too.”

               She choked out a laugh, a quiet one, and said, “I would have thought you’d be the last to forgive me, if that is even an option.”

               He shrugged, startling her, and approached- even if it was slowly. He snagged a cloth and one of the spray bottles from beside her. He had always had a gentle heart, despite whatever creature may sometimes have hold of it, and yet he still shocked her regularly.

               “I’d be a pretty lonely guy if I held a grudge,” he told her.

               “By which you mean you can’t be picky about your friends. Even the selfish assholes.”

               When they smiled together she suddenly wondered if maybe the whole forgiveness process would be as gentle as this was.

               “Yeah,” he sighed, still smiling. “That’s what I meant. Now come on, you’ve got cleaning to do.”

               For a long moment, they were silent. They cleaned; dusting the bookshelves and wiping down the spines of ancient books, occasionally pulling old bedsheets off furniture and choking on the dust it stirred up. She was content with it, until she thought distantly about if things would be this simple with Steve. They never had been before.

               As if Bruce could read her thoughts, he said, “He cares more than he thought he did… more thank you would think.” She looked over at him, her heart aching again. She wished she’d never been cursed with such a burden. “The other will come around, with an explanation and an apology, but…”

               She felt her hands lower to her side, cloth brushing her bare leg below her shorts.

               “I’m screwed, aren’t I?” she muttered, sinking feeling bearing down.

               “Yeah.”

/\

Nat flicked on the lights in her dark room. Clint was asleep in her bed, the blinds all drawn shut. He was still exhausted from their last fight- the wound on his side and the torn shoulder wasn’t helping him either.

               Awoken by the light, he stirred and then slowly pushed himself forward. She would deny that the way his tawny hair looked a mess on his head the most endearing thing about him in the morning, even more than the way his nose crinkled or how he fumbled to find his hearing aids. She would deny that they had found each other and latched on despite the storms around them.

               “Toni’s back,” she murmured, closing the door and leaning against it.

               “Huh?” he replied, pushing in an aid and turning it on.

               “Toni’s back… and at the mansion. Bruce just texted saying she’s better so we’re all going to go over and help clean. That and I think if we’re not there when Steve shows up they might kill each other.”

               “Oh,” he said.

               _Oh indeed_.

               She eased towards him, falling into his arms when she reached the bed. At least now with Toni back she could finally fall back to the silent guardian of the team. She knew Clint could tell how much it was wearing on her.

               His hands brushed up and down her back, calming her.

               “I’ll get dressed then,” he said. She nodded, cheek pressed to his chest. She loved whatever this was, even if she wasn’t ready to show the world just how much. One day.

               “Just a few minutes.”

               “Alright.”

\/

While she had been with the Guardians, she had called the day she left “The Very Fateful Fight”, which had sounded like a Lemony Snicket novel, and had not been her favorite memory, and yet not her worst. Eventually, the two symbolic heads of the Avengers would of course come together again and it would be no more pretty than when they had fallen apart.

               She called this “The Great Apology”, both because it sounded grand and because it was the beginning of something greater than she would have guessed.

               The Great Apology lasted several weeks and stretched over a series of event that mended what had bittered Steve Rogers. The Pizza Incident subchapter had left them almost worse than where they had begun but that was just in the first few days, and Pietro- endearingly caring Pietro- had been the one to get food into the file room so she wouldn’t starve.

               She doesn’t know it but after the Midwest Mess, when she had taken their suits and spent days fixing them all, improving them, Steve had watched her from behind the frosted panes. She had locked herself away, but failed to see the one with the strength to break the prison cell she’d created.

               The whole episode peaked when she bought back the Dodgers. She had reveled in the shock on Steve’s face when they watched the team practicing on their new field. Save for Carol, the rest of the Avengers lacked the same understanding of the importance in the gesture that Steve possessed. They were glad to see their leaders functioning again.

               The Great Apology was not over. It did not end till several days later.

/\

She was leaving the holo-arena, hair messy and skin still beaded with sweat, when Steve found her. Since she had returned, he had watched her with a hundred different emotions. On that day, still rattled from the Dodgers and spinning from the efforts she’d suddenly been making- actually practicing? That was not the Toni Stark he remembered- he was violently aware of the desperation that drove him to her. Yet he didn't seem to care just how much his head screamed no, he'd been aching for far too long.

               Maybe he was doing a poor job of showing his state of mind because when he intercepted her, she looked up with exhaustion written all over her face.

               “Sorry about arguing in there, I just- Look, I can’t keep pretending to be this model human, it’s not me and I’m starting to waste away. I’m sorry for leaving, I really am, but I-”

               Even when they were fighting- enemies or each other- Steve had trouble telling Toni what to do, or doing something for her. At that moment, for the first time between them ever, he ignored what she was saying and kissed her like she should have kissed him.

               Sliding his arms around her, she barely skipped a beat to process his lips on hers or their bodies so close together. She parted his mouth like she had been living this moment in her head for months- which she had, but he was no more aware of that than she was of him doing the same. They stumbled backwards, his hand searching for the elevator buttons and instead groping air.

               Her lips, hands, body pulled him towards her, fingers knotting in his damp shirt and tugging hard. They had kissed before, twice, but neither had been as desperate, needy as this. She had been gone for months, doing the very same thing with some space vigilante, maybe thinking of him. He had done something similar with Natasha weeks after Toni had left, and without a doubt his mind had crossed over Toni more than once. But now they were finally- literally- together, fighting for the other’s attention even though they already had it.

               The elevator doors slid open and they fell through them, slamming into the far wall. Without a moment’s hesitation, she dragged his hand to her leg, pulling herself up and leveling the difference between them. He hoisted her up, her thighs catching on his hips and her arms going tight around his neck. He could, almost distantly, feel her fingers card through his hair, too busy with her lips and neck to even notice or really care.

               Three months, a year and a half’s worth of tension, frustration now disappeared in the face of its cause. He was suddenly desperately grateful that she had come back, fought so hard for his good graces.

               “I’m sorry,” she huffed, letting the words out with a heavy breath as he brushed his lips down her jaw, neck. “God Steve, I’m so sorry.”

               He brought himself back to her, meeting her gaze directly.

               “We’re stupid, stubborn people. It’s over,” he replied. Her hands practically flew to his cheeks and their mouths met, messy, again.

               The elevator dinged and they eased out, paying the closing door no mind. Not caring if anyone was around to see them, they disappeared into the blackness of his room.

\/

She slept soundly against his chest, one arm around him and legs tangled with his. He was still awake, unsure if he’d ever sleep after feeling her hands in her hair and hearing her say they could be- were- together.

               He wrapped a long strand of her hair around his finger, so completely _content_ with her quiet breathing and the cold feeling of her reactor against his side. He wondered if it was safe to say that this was their strange, hectic picture of love, or if maybe he was just euphoric. But then again, he had been devastated by her disappearance, maybe even more than by her Star-Lord retaliation.

               “Have you slept at all,” she murmured, voice hazy with sleep.

               He had woken her up.

               “Not really.”

               She shifted slightly.

               “You should try it. It’s really nice.” Her eyes were still closed, still looked peaceful. He wondered how much she’d slept since returning, since leaving. She was almost worse about remembering to than he was.

               He was glad they’d said everything they needed to so she could just lie there and fall back asleep. The months of torment had faded from her, finally, and she looked just a little better, a little more _Toni_.

               “I’m glad I’m back,” she breathed. She sounded not even half-awake. Maybe she would remember this moment later, probably not. He carded his fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry I had to take the long way home.”


End file.
